Life is hitched perilously to momentum, and we speed along teetering to whichever way we are pulled by circumstance. If we are strong, we can resist the pull.
Failure begets more failure, just as success can lead to greater success. This has been very true of my life for a long time, and unfortunately in hitting some serious rough patches I found myself without the resolve to really stand back up and fight fiercely. I would stand up and go the motions, giving a half-hearted performance of combat and telling myself that was enough. I then struggled internally with both knowing it was not enough yet doubting whether I had the talent to make trying harder worth the effort. Really putting myself out there is something I used to be good at, but haven’t been for several years. It seems almost another life now that I battled different foes with a different severity.
Success can have an equal but opposite effect. When you’ve limped along needing a win and are blessed with one, it can really put the wind back in your sails. Win a few more times in succession and things that previously seemed insurmountable shrink in stature. How long you can keep this pace without faltering is unknown, but expecting to be forever unhindered is a fool’s game. The real lesson is simply to gain enough fortitude along the road to remain stout in the face of adversity. This is dead obvious for some, but less so for many.
The past year has been colorful not just in better knowing myself, but seeing more clearly those around me. Start saying “no” to people from whom you’ve been taken for granted, and watch how quickly the dialogue becomes mute. Stick a price tag on something good and learn how many just wanted something for nothing.
I’ve been told a few times recently that I need to learn to ask for help. It’s partially that I’ve tried to be a very self-sufficient person, often looking inward, but also in that I suppose I have poor expectations of many around me. I’ve been let down by so many that I naively admired that I came to assume asking for help was pointless; too many had shown they cared for no one but themselves. When I started to take this advice and reached out to connections around me, with the exception of family and a couple reliable friends, I found a startling lack of response. If I weren’t in a more positive mindset than years past, I probably would’ve interpreted this result as an affirmation of how unreliable people in general are. If it weren’t for the support I have gotten from the core people in my life I probably would’ve been lost to bitterness.
I can resonate with the Holden Caulfield from Catcher In The Rye, as sometimes the phoniness and disappointment in those around us is a bit overwhelming. This would be harder to take if observing it on this level at a younger age as he did. Still, in realizing this I’ve realized the importance in the mantra “their bullshit is not your bullshit.” I’ve been carrying around other people’s bullshit for a long time, and I’ve got plenty of my own I’ve been desperate to shed.
A few new axioms going forward:
- The people we keep around us should enrich our lives in some way. The benefit should always outweigh the costs. There is little wiggle room here; start making excuses why someone that’s a pain in the ass still deserves a 10th chance and you’ll drown in toxic relationships.
- A lot of people don’t put their money where their mouth is. Accept it and don’t take it personally when it happens.
- “When you hang around shit you start to smell like shit.” Take care the quality of company you keep. – Michael Gonneville
- “Stop chasing people that don’t want to be caught.” – Pastor Knotts
- Successful, positive people gravitate toward each other.
Believing in more is the path to having more. I see what’s out there, and recent events have forced me to acknowledge the limits of my skills are far beyond what I’d rated them. The pace of my forward march is not going to be slowed for the foreseeable future.
Brian out.
Nicely written Brian! If some people only learned what you did from their past, their futures would be filled with so much. They would not know how to handle themselves in that case. As for you, you have grown so much over the years we have known you. Keep the pace in motion…you heading for a place with no limits! Love ya!